I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
