Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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