and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
