Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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