New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
