one word: firstdatebathroomanal
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
