so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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