You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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