come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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