Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
