At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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