It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
BRING THE BAGELS
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
