i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
