i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
