the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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