Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
