Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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