No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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