I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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