in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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