If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
