I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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