I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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