I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
