I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
