just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
