Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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