If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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