I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
