I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
