You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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