i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
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He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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