i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it was like eating out sand paper
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
