the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The Olympian is in my bed
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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