i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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