yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
