i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
