oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
