The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
