guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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