So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
