Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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