nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
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