is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
