I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
