don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you will always have a special place in my vag
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
