Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
