What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
