You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
