woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
