I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
