last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
PANTIES FOUND
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
