alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
