your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
