Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
