I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
