so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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