The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
