I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
