I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
