I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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