His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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