I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
