You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
