Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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