why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
