just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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