Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
