is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
